I am a Mom

I am a Mom.

I was 39; married for 12 years, and didn't have kids. It didn't seem that I'd ever do, either. Age was not on my side, I had a demanding job, and many such facts seemed to lower the chances further. 

People around me were having kids, sometimes multiple ones. Some of them were also older than me. I was not exactly jealous or depressed, but I felt sort of deprived. 

Some of my friends and relatives, colleagues, and even mere acquiantances would reach out to me, referring doctors, astrologers, what not. I had been under fertility treatment since 2014. I knew what was not so good with me. But I paid due heed to all well-meant advices, consulted many a doctor, in hope of almost a miracle.

I am a Mom.

I had IVF pregnancy. I was blessed with a baby boy in March 2019.

But I know what the journey is like. What it means physically, emotionally, financially. What it takes to balance medical visits with work. 

That's why I chose to write about the journey and life thereafter. Stay tuned, read the upcoming posts. It may help you, or someone you know. If you want to discuss something with me, drop me an email at anupama06@gmail.com. I shall get back to you.

Stay tuned for more.

A Challenge Completed

The A-Z Challenge is over. Phew.. I survived through it. It’s big for me. I had participated in the challenge in 2014, but I lost the impetus somewhere in the middle. This year, I was determined not to let that happen to me.

However, it is easier said than done. One, because I was going through a writers’ block. Even if I say I could not find time to write, it is not completely justified – I should have planned my time better, that’s it.

I love Facebook for reminding me that the challenge was about to start. That was March 30^th. Unsure whether I could write out a series, I just took the plunge. There was no time to think of a theme. But hey, what could be better than talking about your ownself? I introduce myself to my readers, and most importantly, hold the mirror towards myself.

So, began the journey with a post narrating how I hate Alarms. Everyday, I had to look around myself to decide on the next word – should I choose a difficult word or keep it simple? Can I knit a story around it? 

I felt extremely unprepared when I realized most participants had their posts not only pre-planned, but pre-written as well. I had to push myself hard to keep myself up-to-date with the letter of the day, posting the links on social media and reading few posts by fellow bloggers. It felt good to reach out to my new friends. 

Now, the feat of posting 26 posts in April, each for an alphabet is accomplished. It is a feeling of satisfaction, and also relief. On the other hand, there’s a vacuum that is hard to explain. For the last week, I have been waking up, thinking, “What next?”

Thank you friends for reading my musings and encouraging me to keep going. Stay in touch!

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Read posts on Theme: Things my life revolves around: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y , Z

Z- Zeal

What helps us grow as an individual or professional is our zeal to improve, something everyone should have. There is indeed no end to learning. We should be open and ready to accept it if we do not know something, and learn.

Of course, we should be able to judge ourselves and identify the areas we lack. It could be enhancement of one’s skills or aspiration for better quality of life.

Having said all of that, allow me to admit that I am someone who lacks this zeal. It is not as if I don’t put my best effort in whatever I do. Or that I do not have aspirations. But I am someone who loves to be in her comfort zone, and am unwilling to take risks, such as changing jobs, etc. I would try to make the best of what I have, and try to carry on life the way it was.

If I were to achieve something big, I would plan for it, albeit slowly – save money (or credit card points or whatever). It happens often with me that when I have managed to save enough, either the price of my desired product would have increased, or it would no longer be available in market or it would have lost relevance in my life because of changes that have happened in my life in the meantime.

Are you like me?
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Read previous posts on Theme: Things my life revolves around: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y

Y- Yield point

Have you ever wondered when you tend to lose your cool? You would rarely find me fretting.  I try my best not to get angry or frustrated about any situation, and try to think with a balanced head about the available alternatives and decide the next course of action.

Initially I was not like this, and would get worked up at the slightest provocation. But much to my disappointment, I realized that the impact of my screaming on someone was little and shortlived, whereas a lot of my energy had been invested. What is worse, the same points could easily be conveyed in a normal voice, albeit firmly.

There are no doubts about the ill effects of losing one’s temper. Your blood pressure rises, you may end up speaking unkind words, and more. “Anger is just one alphabet short of Danger”, remember that.

I have stretched my yield point deliberately. It saves me from incurring lot of stress, and has helped me create the impression of a level headed person. Also, people take serious note of me when I eventually cannot take it anymore and blast it out.

Can you manage your temper well?

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X- Xenophobic

Are you xenophobic?

Before you answer that question, let me share with you its meaning. If not literally, it means one who is anxious of what others (sometimes from foreign cultures) think of him. Such a person would invariably try to go out of the way to please others, so that his impression remains positive. Now answer the question.

To a large extent, I am like that. On the surface, I would strongly assert, “I don’t care who thinks what”, but deep inside, I am concerned. I may go to the extent of dressing in a particular way, or trying to raise the correct topics, etc just to please someone, whereas the recipient of this attention would neither notice, or make any such effort to please me.

I don’t want to hurt anyone intentionally. So even if I am feeling not very excited about it, I tend to comply (sometimes to desires that have not been expressed at all). As a result, I tend to be taken for granted and my opinion is sometimes overlooked.

I am trying to do some self-counselling even while I write this. Are you like me?
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W - Wardrobe

Let us begin in flashback:

A friend of mine had come over to Delhi and was staying at her cousin’s place. She invited me over, to which I readily agreed. We enjoyed the evening thoroughly but when it was time for me to leave, we found it was stormy. Soon began incessant rain. We waited and waited, but the weather would not settle, until it was very late at night. My friend’s cousin came forward as a good host and offered me to stay over, and also offered me a T-shirt for me to change.

When he opened his cupboard, I was left open-mouthed – it was so neatly arranged! Clothes were ironed and segregated in an orderly way. So far I used to think that men of all ages are essentially lazy, and their wardrobes are likely to be untidy. When I could not hold back my surprise, he told me, “It takes so much lesser space if you keep things properly and finding anything becomes easy too”.

A lesson learnt well.

Even today, I try to keep my belongings neatly. I admit it gets messy over time, but I take time out to re-arrange my stuff periodically. A neat wardrobe is the sign of an organized mind, I tell myself.

Do you have a neat wardrobe?

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Read previous posts on Theme: Things my life revolves around: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V

V- Venturous

I am somone who is willing to take a few risks. Although I may be sceptical initially, I would take a try. Some of these (ad)venturous steps have worked for me in reality. Thinking out of the box and stepping out of one’s comfort zone is the key.

Our Sports Teacher had asked me if I would be interested in joining the School Rowing Team. They needed someone who knew swimming. I didn’t know how I would fare at the sport, but I agreed to go for selection. And not only did I row in the tournament, I enrolled myself in the Rowing Club and went on to win many competitions.

My decision to study Architecture was also one such venture for me – no one in my circle had studied the subject, and I had very vague idea about the different roles I could play. I had taken the selection test thinking my good handwriting and fair sketching skills would come in handy. I couldn’t believe my ears when I was informed that I had been selected!

I may be working as a Transport Planner presently, but my training facilitates my visualization of a project better and also enhances my presentation skills. Today, I have the experience of teaching many students, guiding them to design their projects with practical knowledge and also taking examinations as external faculty.

Have you taken some risks in your life that have worked for you in the long run?

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Read previous posts on Theme: Things my life revolves around: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U

U- Umbrella

One thing that is permanent in my bag is my umbrella, whichever season or time of day it may be. Can you guess the reason behind this?

It is a habit that has stayed with me since childhood. My hometown, Kolkata (earlier known as Calcutta) enjoys a very balanced climate. It is usually sunny, and whenever it gets too hot, the city gets rain. Thus, an umbrella would be the companion of most citizens, especially the women, as it comes in handy both when it is sunny or when it is pouring.

As children, we were possessive about our umbrellas to the extent of embroidering our names on the edge. Also I remember stitching frills around my umbrella as a child, just to decorate it.

That reminds me of a disaster which very few people know about. Encouraged by the appreciation received for the frill stitching initiative, I decided to go experimental with my creativity. My Dad’s umbrella was a boring black one, and had a big diameter. He rarely used to carry it. So one day, I punctured neat holes in it in different sizes, stitched patterns in some and made it look very innovative.

I was disappointed to see the horrified look on my Dad’s face! I told him it would create different patterns on the road when the sunlight poured through it, and he asked me in return, “What about the rain?”

What is your constant companion?

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T- Tailoring

Do you know that I can cut up a piece of cloth and stitch a dress? There was one time when I used to design and tailor my own clothes.

The interest in tailoring was ingrained by my Granny, who tried to teach some basics of stitching and knitting to both me and my brother, telling us that this knowledge could come in handy anytime. However, I was the only one who took interest. She owned an old sewing machine and the sheer pleasure of operating it and watching the cloth move through the machine captured my awe.

During a fairly long break in school, my Dad sent me to learn tailoring from a lady who gave classes near my home, just to keep me occupied. I showed considerable flourish in the art and learnt different ways to cut cloth. However, I couldn’t pursue this talent of mine much as studies came in the way. I could help my Mom or Granny at times only.

Years later, when we had shifted to a new home, my husband gifted me an electric sewing machine on my birthday – such a sweet gesture! However, there was a secret intention – he made me stich all the curtains, pillow covers and likewise that you can see in my home!

Do you have a hobby?

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Read previous posts on Theme: Things my life revolves around: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S

S- growing Senior

“With great power, comes great responsibility” is a popular saying. So can be said as we become senior by age or grow in our careers.

Time flies by and we gradually traverse the journey from our childhood to adolescence, adulthood and

finally old age. Give it a thought and you will realize the way we interact with the rest of the world also changes.. from a cuddly baby we become a sweet old person.

I remember the day my manager asked me to dictate a letter to our secretary. Till then, I had been drafting letters myself and never taken assistance of a stenographer. I actually re-verified from my senior that I was eligible to ask someone to work for me. It made me feel as if I had risen one level up.

Yes, as we have grown from the grass root level, our roles have gradually transformed to a managing role – we receive instructions from our managers, delegate work to our juniors, finish the work received from them, and again transmit the final result to the source of the requirement. This is no easy task. Those of us in the senior management face challenges such as accomplishments in line with the company’s growth, something that can be achieved by someone with relevant experience and necessary qualities.

What is your take?
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Read previous posts on Theme: Things my life revolves around: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R

R- Routes

There are many words suitable with my theme that start with R, but if we pinpoint one around which my life revolves around is Routes.

I plan operations of bus routes as my job, and needless to say, they hover in my subconscious mind all the time. Thanks to this job, I have travelled to different parts of the city which I would not have gone to under usual circumstances and also have drawn them out on a map of Delhi.

Our bus routes have all been digitized in a GIS map with every bus stop located on it, for the purposes of monitoring of our services. I am often required to refer to these maps to take decisions. – the city map has thus got ingrained in my memory. As a result, I can give you directions to a colony you may have never heard about before, but I shall refer it like I see it in a map – north of X place, west of Y road.

My team also constantly monitors financial performance of routes, temporal and directional variation of travel pattern of passengers, etc. Each route has its own peculiarities. For example, a route serving the Airport shows a sudden splurge of demand around the shift change timings. 

Are you a working professional? What is your job profile all about?

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Read previous posts on Theme: Things my life revolves around: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q

Q - Quality

Are you a quality freak? Do simple things such as spelling mistakes irritate you?

In today's times of texting, I observe the growing popularity of abbreviations, sometimes to the extent that one cannot make out the actual word.

I was always someone who is obsessed about correct grammar, spellings and all minute details. My schooling had ingrained this in me, wherein the correct formatting and punctuation was given a lot of importance. Today, when a document produced by me is applauded for its overall appeal as well as its content, I silently thank my teachers who drilled many qualities in my mind.

My training as an architect enhanced this inclination even more. Not only does every line have a meaning, their thicknesses also vary with their relevance. I remember working with an architectural firm which made me draw 26 sections of a kitchen of a small apartment, to explain all the necessary details, architectural, plumbing and electrical.

  

During my teaching days, once I was examining answer scripts of Architecture, I had to try hard to control myself from deducting marks for careless mistakes, and focus on the technical aspects.

I always tell people whom I can influence, such as my friends, juniors and students to put in their very best shot and try to not give anyone the opportunity to criticize. It may or may not meet the requirement or achieve the desired result, but at least, you have the satisfaction of having given your best. Also one must observe and learn from mistakes to improve.   

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P- Pressure

What does the word “Pressure” remind you of? Force per unit area? Work pressure? Blood pressure?

As I pose this question, it intrigues my mind wondering about different kinds of pressures we operate under on a daily basis, some affecting us subconsciously. Can we release all of it just like the whistle of pressure cookers in our kitchens?

I see children being pressurized to study harder and harder, take tuitions, etc leaving them with very limited time to play or engage in other activities. What are they being made to run after? Cases of students committing suicide are on the rise, mostly just because they cannot handle the burden of studies, and peer pressure.

We being social beings, are often guided by what others may think. However, we tend to forget that we have no obligations to satisfy the so called “others” and in truth, we really cannot do so. It is actually an art to politely face questions about when one wishes to get married or have children, career options, and likewise.

As professionals, we have to operate within tight deadlines and also manage different responsibilities. The work environment also plays a critical role, affecting our productivity. Coupled with age and gradual degeneration of our general health, adapting oneself to changes and keeping things going is a very big challenge.

Have you ever thought about this?

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O- Options

I am someone who wants options for almost everything I wish to go for, be it shopping, investing money or choosing a career, preparing a dish, etc.

  

One should always check out the choices available before making the final decision, isn’t it? Sometimes, just by trying out alternatives, you discover that something you had never thought of venturing would actually work for you. For example, it is usual to assume that a journey by flight would cost you much more than that by train for the same pair of origin and destination, but it is always a good idea to check out both, especially in today’s times of dynamic pricing. There have been times when flight journeys have cost me less than by train, and because the time taken is much less, it has worked for me very well.

However, it is not always a good idea, because often I may be able to close in on my shortlisted alternatives, but cannot pinpoint what would be best for me. My husband hates me for it.  He refuses to join me for shopping because he says I end up buying much more than what I had initially planned for.

What about you – Can you choose from your options easily?

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