Saturday, August 11, 2012

Love or Arranged

What? No marks for guessing.. it can be nothing else but marriage. And this debate is ages old, and never ends. So much so, that a serial is being aired on television on this topic!! Now that this topic has cropped up, lets take one by one.

Gals and Guys, Ladies and Gentlemen, please understand marriage, whichever way it happens, is a union of two souls, two families, two cultures and much more. Please don't taint it with issues of caste, dowry, "rules for bahus", and all that scares the young generation at the very idea of marriage.

The Arranged Set Up

The latest protagonist of this story is my very own brother-in-law. The chap is 30, and my parents in law had found a girl who was pretty, well educated, smart, willing to shift anywhere with her would-be husband, of the correct caste, a talented master of all trades-music, dance, painting, poetry. What is more, she said yes to our boy.. we were sure we had found his heaven-made match, when he suddenly turned around and said a firm "No". Our sincere efforts to cajole him to this alliance failed miserably.

My bro-in-law said, "How can I decide in a couple of meetings?", while the girl was apprehensive of going out with an unknown guy. Umm, she perhaps had a point there.

I really wonder how the generation before ours survived with people usually selected by someone other than themselves, sometimes even setting eyes on the other person during marriage!

The Love Affair

Some relationships are made in heaven..but how on earth would you know? How do you know whether the person on the other side is interested in being with you for the person you are or the wealth you would inherit/ your figure or any other reason?

Given the risks, the only advantage in a Love Marriage is that you get some quality time to spend with each other, and do a self evaluation of your compatibility. I mean, isn't that enough??

The flipside of having relationships is of course, loads of mental pressure if anything ever tends to go wrong, let alone happen!

For those who could not find the right partner yourself, the Arranged Marriage idea isnt too bad either, if we are willing to revisit some rules- for example, the girl is not a showpiece. She is not going to dress up and bring tea/ snacks for anybody. Her parents would not give lavish gifts - let the newly wed couple procure them through their own merit. And yes, when you claim "Caste no bar", please mean it. And be open to inter caste, inter religion, inter state, inter country, even inter continental marriages!!! Both sets of inlaws have to adopt the new member in their families, instead of handing them huge responsibilities and expect them to transform into super-humans! Some changes are happening, but its time for a revolution.
I had a love marriage myself. Given my shy nature, most people doubt this fact even today. :) This contest on Indiblogger is very close to my heart. Photograph courtesy Jaspal Singh, a close friend of mine.


ashok said...

Both work!

Anupama K. Mazumder said...

Indeed, both do!!

My Unfinished Life said...

the partnership has to work...good piece gal!!

something i was thinking to write but got lazy on!!!

Unknown said...

Well presented story of both sides!

Aditi Pathak said...

Its just what destiny has in store for a person; arranged or love, both works well if carried on perfectly. :)

SG said...

Very well written and valid points. During “love affair” before marriage, many of them will not be themselves. Artificially present themselves as if they are very nice and loving to each other. The reality will come after the marriage. My personal opinion. I am known to be wrong many times. said...

Short & sweet post!

Confused Soul said...

It's all about achieving a balance right? Nice read. All the best :)

you can read my take here-


Obsessivemom said...

You're right, it's a tough decision... love or arranged.. no guarantees in either!

Panchali said...

Adjustment is the name of the game....I guess, both works if there;s understanding...

Anupama K. Mazumder said...

Looking forward to your take on this.

Thanks dear.

Yes, Destiny is the key word.

This time you are spot on.

I could go on and on.. had a tough time keeping it short.

@Confused Soul,
Yeah- balance, adjustment, etc.

Guarantees??? Ha Ha!

Yes, understanding and adjustment form the mortar that holds two people together.

T F Carthick said...

Nice straightforward article getting to the crux of the matter. However one need not go to the extent of country no bar, continent no bar etc. Usually with internet one ends up finding someone withing one's community and extending to few other communities that are not culturally too different.

Amit Singh said...

Any marriage whether Love or arranged can falter if expectations in relationships are not managed properly.... My short story talks about this very aspect which you can read in my Post - Expectations

Anupama K. Mazumder said...


That is exactly what I detest: if you have something like, would you ever facilitate an intercaste marriage? I think its time such classifications were dropped.

Of course. Expectations have to be managed in all relationships, not only marriage.

Saurabh Chawla said...

nice post :) all the best for the contest !

check out this link when you get time :)

SJ said...

great post, good luck for the contest. I think it doesnt matter whether its love or arranged. Marriage is a risk regardless, that u have to take and make the best of it

Saurabh Chawla said...

nice post :) all the best!
here look at this one when you get time :) and yeah do promote it on indiblogger if you like it :)

ekta khetan said...

wah ji wah....kya baat kahi.

onek bhalo...Posted mine too..have a case u forgot me n my blog :(